Domestic Violence Survivor

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As October is the month of Domestic Violence and yet another beautiful soul has been taken due to violence in our area.

Today I sit and mourn over Avriel Hooks as its been a little over a year since her life was taken due to domestic violence!

Today I take a stand to speak agaisnt domestic violence. I find myself heartbroken and angry over this but I have come to realize that I myself have a story when it comes to domestic violence. To be completely honest I am thankful that I got out when I did because I could have been another victim that could have lost my life.

A huge part of my healing journey today is coming out of survival mode but I am reminded of the tragic events of domestic violence all the way down to my child hood. I dont ever talk about it but when I see the mugshot of the man who shot and killed the girl this week. I see the darkness in his eyes that is so familiar to me.

I am reminded of:

• yelling in my ears so loud that im slightly deaf in one ear.
• slammed on the concrete floor and my head banged against the ground. Him covering my mouth to the point I couldnt breath bc I was screaming and he was scared someone would hear me.
• held at my will to leave and scared to run to get away from him bc if he hit me one time, thats all it could take.
• him sneaking into my house while the kids and I were sleeping. Waking up to him standing at the end of my bed staring at me.
• thrown around to the ground another time and ended in the bathroom. He tried to force my head in the toilet. I finally was able to get away and jump out the bedroom window to get help.
• him drunk breaking everything in the house mad, punching holes in the wall
• always being accused of something and him putting a gun to my head.
• waking up to a group of his friends in my bedroom sexually harrasing me and having guns on them

•never able to feel safe in my own home or my own room to ever have a good night sleep.

Everyday I lived in fear not knowing what the next day would bring and afraid to even fall asleep. Never felt protected even from the time I was a little girl. Instead I was always misunderstood, rejected, called crazy, shunned, put in counseling bc no one believed me so I began learning only what I thought I could to survive in my own environment. At one point in my life I started to learn to fight back because I wasnt being heard but again I was the one that was always in the wrong. Even till this day I continue to be misunderstood by my own blood but I am learning to be ok with it.

Today I survived it ALL and have made it to a point in my life that I am finally SAFE and I am coming out of survival mode. Unlearning everything I learned to survive as a victim of DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL ABUSE.

Today I survive to share my story and to stand for the victims that didnt make it and I only continue to pray for anyone who may be facing any kind of domestic or sexual abuse.