Have you ever found yourself giving your all to someone else—your kids, a partner, a friend—but when it comes to showing up for yourself, the fire just isn’t there? You go hard for them, fiercely loyal and ready to move mountains, yet when it’s your own mountains that need moving, the energy isn’t the same. This is a struggle many of us face, especially as moms who have weathered the storms of life.
It’s a heavy truth: we pour ourselves out for others because it feels like second nature. We see their worth, their potential, and the way the world can sometimes try to dim their light. So, we step in, shield raised, determined to fight whatever battles they’re facing. We do it out of love, out of loyalty, and because we’ve been there before—on the receiving end of someone who showed up for us when we couldn’t show up for ourselves.
But when it’s time to be our own champion, we hesitate. We downplay our needs, talk ourselves out of going after that dream, or put off that self-care because there’s just “so much else” to do. The loyalty we extend to others somehow doesn’t circle back to us, and it’s not because we don’t want it to. It’s because deep down, it feels different. It’s hard.
Why Do We Struggle to Go Hard for Ourselves?
1. We’ve Been Conditioned to Prioritize Others: From a young age, many of us were taught that taking care of others is noble, and while there’s beauty in that, it often came without the lesson that taking care of ourselves is equally vital. We learn to be nurturers, caretakers, and warriors for everyone but ourselves.
2. Self-Worth Issues: It’s easier to see the value in others than it is to see it in ourselves, especially when we’ve been through the ringer. We become our harshest critics, picking apart every flaw and magnifying every misstep. When you don’t feel worthy, it’s hard to go all in for yourself.
3. Fear of Failure: Going hard for someone else feels safe because their outcome doesn’t necessarily reflect on us. But putting ourselves out there? That’s vulnerable. What if we fail? What if we let ourselves down? The fear of falling short can keep us from giving ourselves the same fierce loyalty we give others.
4. Survival Mode Habits: When you’ve lived in survival mode—whether from past trauma, addiction, or just the hustle of single motherhood—it’s hard to switch gears. Survival mode doesn’t leave much room for thriving or dreaming. It’s all about making it through the day, and sometimes, it feels like just getting by is all you can do.
How to Start Showing Up for Yourself
1. Recognize Your Worth: Start with the understanding that you are worthy of the same love and loyalty you give to others. This isn’t about becoming selfish; it’s about becoming whole. You deserve to fight for your own joy, peace, and success. Remind yourself daily that you are valuable, and you deserve to go hard for yourself.
2. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Yourself: Just as you would defend your loved ones from being overwhelmed or mistreated, you have to protect your own energy. Set boundaries that allow you to have time and space for your own goals and needs. This might mean saying no more often or delegating tasks that are weighing you down.
3. Start Small and Build: You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start with small acts of self-commitment—waking up a bit earlier for quiet time, investing a few minutes a day in a hobby you love, or setting aside time to plan your goals. Small steps build momentum, and before you know it, you’ll be showing up for yourself with the same intensity you show up for others.
4. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Pay attention to the stories you’re telling yourself about why you can’t or shouldn’t go hard for your own dreams. Challenge those narratives. Would you ever speak to someone you love the way you speak to yourself? Reframe your thoughts with kindness and grace.
5. Celebrate Your Wins: Going hard for yourself means celebrating every win, no matter how small. Just like you would cheer on your child’s first steps or your friend’s new job, you need to be your own cheerleader. Every step forward, every moment of courage, is worth acknowledging.
Embrace the Journey of Self-Loyalty
It’s time to redirect some of that fierce loyalty inward. You’ve shown time and time again that you can be a warrior for those you love—now, be a warrior for yourself. It’s not about abandoning others; it’s about ensuring that you don’t abandon yourself in the process. Your loyalty to yourself doesn’t take away from the love you have for others; it amplifies it. When you go hard for yourself, you show your children, your friends, and the world what it truly means to honor your own worth.
And remember, going hard for yourself doesn’t mean you’ll have it all figured out. There will be stumbles and doubts, but every time you choose yourself, you’re rewriting the script. You’re breaking the chains that have held you back and stepping boldly into the life you deserve. So, go ahead—go hard for yourself. You’re worth every bit of it.
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