Why Does God Let Bad Things Happen?

If you have never been an addict you will never understand the reason and want to depend on anything to numb a pain that hurts so fucking bad. Thats when my addiction started years ago being so completely heart broken but was so blind to the blessings that where in front of me. I never got to cope or focus on myself mentally realizing today having a child back to back on top of toxic relationships and the severity of post partum depression. I am so thankful for where I am today and how far I have come but I have felt so much pain in my heart this year alone to the point I have dropped to my knees in complete agony. My emotions are like a roller coaster with so much good happening but then I feel guilty for even having a smile on my face. I dont know what the hell Gods purpose is in all this but MY biggest lesson is learning new and healtier ways to cope with such heartache. It is hard for anyone but coming out of a dark and desperate hell I lived myself was the biggest accomplishment i ever made in my life and for my kids. Right now I try to stay busy so I dont have time to even process anything. But then there are times like today when Im still I just want to fucking scream!